I am tired; drummer-boy upstairs decided to practice between 1 and 2 last night. Honestly...

Tonight I'm heading back to campus for an introductory meeting for amliss, the UNC art-and-museum-library-&-information-student-society. I'm eager to get involved in these groups (the other one being SCOSAA, the Student-Chapter-of-the-Society-of-American-Archivists) which will hopefully help me develop the habit of participating in professional organizations throughout my career. And career time is fast approaching.

I have to say that I am quite happy with my classes this semester--finally, I'm on to learning practical skills like cataloging and reference and archival description. My assignments are hands-on projects that will help me to navigate these new areas in a real-life application way. Between those three and my course in cultural institutions (I'm exploring these as work environments in addition to libraries/archives), I'm feeling much more prepared for my career.

The Academic Common Market of VA just informed me that I'm eligible for instate tuition at UNC-CH. What a relief! Now I still need to contact the school and talk over the financial matters with them, but I am happy to know that I'm at least eligible.

Kristen and I are driving down to Chapel Hill on Monday to scope out the area and, most importantly, housing. I'll be so glad to have her guidance, for she's shopped for apartments many a time, and I've never done so. This year I'm only hoping to find some place that's reasonably safe and reasonably close to campus (biking distance, por favor?), but next year I hope to find a nicer, unfurnished apartment that I can set up as my own little nest, filled with the furniture and household items I've been collecting for years now. It will be so nice to use them!

I'm so excited to share with you what's been happening on the grad school front: all three schools admitted me--University of Maryland, University of Kentucky, and University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I'll be sending in my acceptance to UNC-CH this week and beginning my preparations for moving there in August.

Isn't that wonderful? In two years I'll be a librarian...

Kathryn's been walking around in her apron this evening like she's...me! I love donning my own vintage apron as I tidy or bake because not only does it protect my clothing, but it also puts me in the mindset for whatever task I'm embarking upon. It's rather like dressing up for tests--you know, putting on that nice skirt and jacket and doing your hair all nicely so that you look polished and competent and think thoughts are polished and competent. It's simply dressing for the part.

But that's not what I'm writing about, so pardon the detour. As you might know, I've been seriously considering earning my master's in library science (MLS) in order to become a reference/research/instructional librarian in an academic institution. With this in mind I've arranged to spend a few weeks shadowing the librarians at Regent University, particularly those who work in public services. It's been so helpful to see what may lie on the other side of graduate school, the day to day routines and tasks that come with the work. Each of the librarians and staff members has been very accommodating, especially my liason, Marta. I'm getting more and more excited about my career!

Thus far, I've peeked into several departments at Regent Library, including the reference desk, circulation, periodicals, acquisitions, cataloguing, technical systems, and today I even sat in on the reference meeting. Here are some particular things I've learned in my hours at Regent:

• it's imperative that I gain practical experience while earning my degree. The credentials are useless without applying the knowledge, and application is what employers are looking for.
• become fluent in the language of technology. It's not worth the money to hire a librarian who cannot use the computer. Like it or not, technology is fast becoming the library's framework, and it is a useful tool.
• that second master's degree sets the applicant apart and enables her to specialize in a particular department, something which is almost necessary in academic libraries and collection development, reference instruction, and all the rest that comes with the job. I was rather crestfallen to hear that I need to commit to earning two master's degrees rather than just the MLS, but now that I hear that I can land a job with the MLS and then earn my second while working--and probably find tuition reimbursement among my benefits, I'm delighted to have that opportunity. So...a master's in Southern literature? Medieval theology?

I've gotten the course descriptions from University of Kentucky's school of library science, and I will also look into UNC at Chapel Hill and Greensboro, both schools in neighboring North Carolina. Each of these three schools are part of the academic common market, granting Virginia residents instate tuition, which, need I say, helps me tremendously.

I continue to lean towards a career in academic libraries--begrudgingly, mind you, because that modest career comes with a rather big price tag called graduate school. I'm just not willing to spend roughly $50,000 for two years of education when that seems to be the average annual salary for an academic librarian, and to accrue that kind of debt when the librarian is on her way to the endangered species list with the rise of the computer and internet makes me shudder. When budgets are cut, librarians are as well.

But when academic librarians describe their jobs as "teaching without the classroom," well, such a career sounds about perfect for me. And it fits in with my Myers Brigg personality type--career guides based off of that indicator have said so. INFJs are cut out for the job with their capacity for organization, ability to work alone or one on one, and tendency to work for the ideal--in this case, the ideal of keeping information accessible. And can I say that I just love books? Any environment studded with shelves and shelves of them cannot be a bad place to work.

My friend gave me advice on paying for grad school: move close to your chosen school and work there. Often the benefits for full-time employment include a few credit hours free, and that can go a long way toward the cost. Of course scholarships help as well, but I loathe applying for anything too competitive. So shall I just pack up and move to North Carolina or Kentucky?

But next year and grad school aside, I'm still looking for a job around here, and I'm thinking temp services. Mom has been recommending that for quite some time as a good way to gain experience and knowledge of companies, all the while providing that all important foot-in-the-door factor that's so important in getting employed. Who knows? Perhaps temp work will lead me to a career that I enjoy or at least don't hate without grad school. That makes my wallet happier.

All in all, however, I'm in no rush to attend grad school. I much prefer taking my time earning what I can while considering my options. No use in rushing into debt for something I don't enjoy all that much anyway.

The way is dark, the road is steep;

But He's become my eyes to see.

The strength to climb, my griefs to bear,

The Savior lives inside me there

~from "A Living Prayer"

I have been feeling as if the way is dark...dark with mystery. I like the dark just as I like mystery, but to continue trudging towards the unlit future is daunting indeed. I am used to living under the scrutiny of school's stage-light which floods its fluorescent rays over every thought and examines each, even those I should prefer to clean up before displaying. Intelligence and ignorance are illuminated alike, for in college there is no corner which the stage-light does not reach.

The future, in contrast, is dim. It's like my backyard at night: I'm pretty sure I know what's out there, for I've spent the day weeding and mulching and mowing and planting until I am familiar with its present components. But what if, during Apollo and Artemis's shift-change, the beds were rearranged? What if a vole destroyed the roots of the hydrangea or a bear crushed the maple sapling? What if the flimsy plastic chairs tipped over or my neighbor's volley-ball rolled over into the middle of my yard? The nighttime veil covers over my physical sight and allows my mind's eye, the imagination, to see better, making the familiar unfamiliar. I would just stay comfortably in my well-lit house, but sometimes the back beckons me and I venture onto the deck in order to peer beyond. I see shadows mostly, so I turn to go inside.

Ting. A little light flashes near the fence. Ting-ting. Two more are over by the blueberry bush. The fire-flies are out, speckling the shadows with their humble coruscations, and I catch glimpses of what could be out there.

What might the fire-flies have illuminated? Here is the outline of some shape I think I saw by the light of the two over by the blueberry bush: I plan to...

• work at an entry level position in my local library, or, depending upon openings, someone else's local library for a year in order to gain experience and save up
• take the GREs (I hoped it would never come to this, but...)
• attend an ALA accredited master's program in library science (I will look into the programs at Catholic University [D.C.], University of Kentucky, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill--always my dream to go there! and St. John's University [NY]). Or I could always join Meagan at the University of Pittsburgh, where she will be studying for her master's in library science--we could room together and go Scottish Country Dancing every week!
• procure a job as a librarian--either local or collegian
• pay back my graduate school loans

All the while, I should continue to clean houses and continue to write short stories for the volume I hope to finish before I'm fifty.

I hope the fire-flies showed me well.

So...after I graduate. It's the question that dogs every senior, what are you doing afterwards? I usually flee to an explanation of my summer plans and hope that will suffice, but beyond that we both know a blank future looms--and I mean blank like a dance card with only one or two names filled in. I'm standing in the midst of a swirling dance, watching some couples relishing the music and their intimacy, some only dancing dutifully and listening sharply for the final chords, and some, like myself, standing on the perimeter enjoying it all but not dancing. I see several fine looking young men, and I hope at least one might see me and put his name down for a dance.

Who are my choices? Well, Mr. Editing seems to lurk at these affairs, but he's looking more dapper than usual--perhaps it's because he's realizing that editing can also mean editing for a publication which incorporates other interests, such as art or sewing and need not be limited to documents or poorly plotted books. Mr. H. T. Guide (I think his initials stand for Historical Tour) walks in and out of my peripheral vision; he looks interesting but seems rather elusive. I don't know about him. There's my old friend, Mr. Housekeeper, who reminds me that my card need not be filled with the names of academic types. And then Mr. Nursing-School is a recent addition to the pool, or at least I haven't noticed him before; I tilt my head. You know, I never would have looked twice at him, but come to think of it...

I've eaten the ears off my chocolate bunny as I've been typing.